The Basics

This may appear rudimentary for some, but you can notice that many people are missing some basic social skills simply because they are unaware. Don’t let trivialities get in the way to connecting with other people.

• Smile! The simplest thing you can do to make yourself more approachable and appear friendlier is to smile. It is a signal that you are looking for friends and maybe a conversation. Practice in front of a mirror to develop a warm and charming smile. Don’t smile too much or some people will think you’re and airhead.
• Greet people. This is as simple as, “Hi. How are you doing?” Ask people about their day, job, family, whatever. If you’re just passing someone you already know, say, “Hey Steve, how’s it going?” If you’ve already done that today, acknowledge them by smiling and nodding, or something simple and light. The more frequently you pass the same person the less you will need to do this. If you see someone all the time you should just greet them the first time you see them that day.
• Be excited about something. You shouldn’t be bouncing of the walls, but if you don’t love something out there some will consider you to be boring.
• Use people’s names when talking to them. This is an easy and often overlooked step to building a rapport. If you are addressing someone out of a group, user their name before the comment or question.
• Body Language. Many people use body language as a conscious or subconscious indicator of what type of person you are. Stand-up and sit-up straight. Don’t fidget.
• Don’t react too much. Many people don’t realize that they make facial or physical movements to social events. Ideally you would only react when it makes you or others look favorable.
• Dress well, or at least with personal style. This can be shallow, but many people form a first impression based on the way you look.
• Vocal Volume. Some people talk either too loudly or too softly. Speak with a moderate volume level, or match your volume to the group.
• Eye-contact. The more eye-contact you give will show other people that you are interested in them and what they have to say. Don’t overdo it or you can creep them out. When you want to show someone you are thinking about what they are saying, take a moment to look away and down (don’t stare at them blankly). If you are uncomfortable with eye contact, practice with family or a mirror first.
• Validate what others feel is important. Whether they are talking about how they feel or their political views, at least acknowledge you hear what they are talking about. You don’t have to agree, but if you move to other topics without validation you will appear rude.
• Avoid putting people down in public. Some people will be impressed by a superior attitude, but most think it’s rude. If you have a problem with someone let them know in private.
• Compliment others. Don’t overdo it, but one of the quickest ways to gain someone’s favor is to compliment a possession, and action, their personality, or a person or group that they like. Try to be a little sneaky because some are weary of flattery.
• Don’t talk about yourself too much. Nobody likes a braggart. The best way to let someone know what type of person you are is through personal stories. The best stories are ones where the punch line is some interesting occurrence, where you sneak in demonstrations of your character or personality.
• Don’t make enemies. You don’t have to get along with everyone, but public enemies and vendettas can only hurt you. You can’t defend yourself when other people are putting you down behind your back.
• Know that people can always be watching you. For those of you who like to think and get inside your head a lot, you should pay special attention to your social presence (Little things you do while others are talking may rub them the wrong way). An action or reaction says a lot if it appears no one is looking. It can go a long way if someone sees you do a good deed when you don’t “think” they’re looking.
• Avoid bodily functions. Coughing, sneezing, farting, etc. brings negative attention to yourself, even though this is superficial. If you can, try to do this while something is distracting the group’s attention, like a loud noise.
• Practice. If you are trying to increase your social presence, then the quickest way to do this is by talking to as many people as possible. If you get social anxiety, then practice with family members, close friends, and/or a mirror.